Thrown into an isolation tank
Filled with the stagnant water of my sorrow
I live with a lump in my throat
It is not the illness but the treatment
That has thrown me into this shadowland
This is an alien land
I've seen the photos of fellow travellers
but I have never lived here before
This shadowland is not a dead land
I see but I do not see
I feel but I do not feel
I think but I have no thought
There is a lost land out there
Lovers who can touch each other
Memories that can be recalled
Food that can be tasted and enjoyed
Feelings and senses and choices
Sometimes I look out
Passionately longing for escape
Momentarily seeing the winter trees
Against a dull grey sky, then, worst of all
I find myself judging others who live there
Hating their unvalued movement and their breath
While I am stuck in the isolation of this illness
Unable to get out or to know what I would do if I could
Denied
Stuck
Lonely
Frustrated
And